Signs Your Lesbian Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back

Ok, so we pretty much all have a lesbian ex girlfriend right?

But do we really want our lesbian ex girlfriend back?

Hmmmm….

NOPE!

I don’t want ANY of my lesbian ex-girlfriends back and that’s for sure.

However, even though you might not want your ex girlfriend back, that does not mean that she will take her claws out of you!

Now she may not even want you back, but that does not mean you are allowed a new girlfriend, no way, your ex girlfriend is going to try and mess with your head.

She is going to keep dangling you on a string, keep messing with your head, and ultimately keep her claws firmly dug into you.

She will play a cat and mouse game of “she loves me, she loves me not” with you.

She will toy with your affections, make you believe she wants you back then, dump you all over again.

This will go on as long as you allow it to.

Lesbians and ex girlfriends are like dogs with bones, they just wont let go!

Now if you are not sure if your ex girlfriend is trying to mess with your head, I have listed 10 ways below, if you recognise any, then you have a 100% proper head fucking ex…

1. Photos…

They will send you via email, or mobile phone, photos of themselves, this is so you don’t forget what they look like.

As if you could forget!

Worse still they may still send you naked pics or even worse them looking sad!

The photo of your ex girlfriend looking sad or crying even, is emotional black mail, pure and simple.

This is to make you believe that they can’t live without you, they are utterly lost without you.

2. Lez Be Friends…

The next way your lesbian ex girlfriend will stay in your life and keep trying to mess up your head is by staying friends.

She does not want to be your friend, she is simply keeping tracks or tabs on you.

Your ex girlfriend wants to know what your up to, and ultimately wants to stop you moving on.

This is why I NEVER stay friends with an ex, it doesn’t work unless you were perhaps friends before you started your lesbian love affair OR you are forced to stay friends because you hang around with the same circle of friends.

My advice, if you can, cut all ties, don’t text, don’t email, don’t call, don’t do lunch, get away from her!

REMEMBER…AN EX IS AN EX FOR A REASON!

3. Memories, from the corner of my mind…

She is going to use every dirty trick in the book!

She will make you recall memories of you both having fun, she will constantly remind you of the good old days.

She will say “remember that time we went to …”

She will also remind you of “your song” or tell you her favourite song at the moment, which she will say “the lyrics remind me of you” this will compel you to listen to it.

Don’t listen to any songs she likes, it’s all part her plan in getting you back!

Alarm bells should be ringing in your ears, she is totally trying to relive your past together.

4. OMG I need your help…

She is going to have more personal dramas than Britney Spears (whom I totally love!).

Her dog / cat / hamster / budgie / goldfish etc will die.

She will have an accident in her car.

She will lose her job, or be bullied at work.

Your ex girlfriend will use any drama in her life to again pull out the sympathy vote and get you to talk to her.

Girls are very sneaky, trust me!

5. They miss you…

Ok, so we know that your ex girlfriend misses you, but she knows that is not enough to get you back, so she is going to use the power of someone else missing you.

This could be her son / daughter.

Her niece / nephew.

Her dog / cat / goldfish !

Your ex will say that they are asking after you (not the pets unless they are unusually talented!), want to talk to you, miss you etc, again all playing on your soft side, trying to get you back.

6. Previous Plans…

You will no doubt have made plans with your ex girlfriend so she will hold you to them!

That’s why I freak out when making plans with a girl, there is always a little voice at the back of my mind saying “you might not be with her in xxx amount of days”.

If you make plans it’s hard to break them, especially if you have arranged:

To attend a concert / gig

Go on holiday

She will also use birthdays against you by saying she already bought a gift etc.

I warned you didn’t I, lesbians are so so sneaky, be on you guard at all times!

She will insist you still carry out these plans, and you are lumbered with seeing her again.

Don’t make plans!!!

7. Turning Over A New Leaf…

She will change everything about herself that you ever hated, so she will:

Stop smoking

Stop drinking

Stop cheating

Stop being inconsiderate

Stop being a bitch!

Oh look, a flying pig just flew past my window!!!

Your ex girlfriend will basically revamp herself to the person you always wanted her to be.

But it’s just an act to get you back, once you have went back, everything shall revert to the way it was and the same problems will crop up time and time again.

She will do her absolute best to convince you that she is a changed woman!

But just as a leopard cannot change it’s spots neither can a lesbian.

8. Stalking You…

Yes, if all else fails she will stalk you.

She will amazingly turn up everywhere that you are!

You will feel like she has stole your blackberry and knows your every move.

She will act surprised to see you, but we both know she knew you would be there.

Your ex girlfriend will need help in stalking you, she will use…

Your family

Your friends

Your work mates

ANYONE WHO KNOWS YOU!

So beware of the ex turning up anytime you go out.

Be particularly aware of her trying to bump into you when you are drunk, she knows her chances of getting back with you when you are drunk are highly increased!

She also knows that she has a much better chance of getting you back in bed if you are drunk, let’s face it us lesbians love love love sex, and if we have not had it in a while, and it’s there on a plate we will take it 69 times out of 10!

Stay away from your ex girlfriend if you are drunk.

Don’t have sex with her, no drunk texting, no drunk dialing, no nothing do you hear me!

Your lesbian ex girlfriend will also use social media to stalk you by constantly monitoring your:

Bebo

Myspace

Facebook

Twitter

MSN / Yahoo / AOL Instant messenger

God help you if she knows any of your logins / passwords because she will also read all your emails etc etc.

Never give a girlfriend your logins / passwords, and if you have, go change them right now!!!

9. The Green Eyed Monster…

She is going to try and make you jealous, yes she is, the devious lil witch that she is.

Your lesbian ex girlfriend might…

Get a hot new girlfriend

Get the car you always wanted

Buy a puppy

Get tickets to a concert of your favourite singer / act etc.

Anything you ever talked about wanting, she will get just to try and get her claws back into you!

10. They are over you, are or they?

This is a clever little plan where your ex girlfriend will have tried every thing above and still not have you, so she will resort to pretending she is over you.

But secretly, she is just waiting to pounce!

She wants you to let your guard down, feel safe and secure before she makes one last bid for your heart!

Your ex girlfriend will get a new girlfriend, everything will seem fine, you will breath a sigh of relief until…

She starts to compare you to the new love.

She will say her new girlfriend is not as good in bed, doesn’t kiss as good as you, does not treat her as good as you, this is all leading to one statement…

“I should have never let you go”.

So never let your guard down, stay aware at all times, and hopefully, one day, you will get rid of your lesbian ex girlfriend!

I have been with enough girls to spot the signs now, so I feel like my head cannot be messed about anymore, thank god!

When you split up with a lesbian they go through stages of getting you back, these rotate regularly.

One minute she will be crying and telling you how much she loves, misses and needs you.

The next minute she will be screaming and shouting at you, calling you every bad name she can think of!

Pink - Please Don’t Leave Me…

You may know the lyrics of one of Pink’s songs “Please don’t leave me”, the lyrics say:

How did I become so obnoxious, what is it with you that makes me act like this, I’ve never been this nasty!

Now lesbians, do this, they blame you for them being mean!

Next Pink sings…

Can’t you tell this is all just a contest, the one that wins will be the one who hits the hardest, but baby I don’t mean it…

Again typical lesbian in a break-up, she will say the most nasty hurtful things to you, trying to hit you where it hurts, because she hurts so much.

And I believe they don’t mean it, but sometimes saying sorry does not cut it, sometimes your ex girlfriend will say stuff that you can never forgive her for.

They do say you always hurt the ones you love, the reason is because people you love will put up with your shit.

But when someone does not love you anymore, they won’t put up with your shit any longer, one day, they will leave you for good.

That is basically what has happened with your ex girlfriend, she just dished up too much shit to you, and you decided to walk away.

But remember she is desperate and will try every single thing she can to get you back, but don’t go back, I am sure you deserve much better.

Be strong, move on and find someone better.

Stay gay,

Sally x

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“Lesbians, Lies and Dirty Lovebites”

This week I would like to blog about glasgow lesbians, their dirty lies and filthy lovebites!

Ok hands up which of you lesbians have had a big dirty lovebite…shame on you!

I can picture Heather sitting in front of her pc holding up her hand cos she has a big dirty love bite courtesy of her gf Kelly!

Shame on you two!!!

So according to wikipedia a love bite is:

A love-bite is a temporary bruise or mark caused by kissing, sucking or biting the skin forcefully enough to burst blood vessels beneath the skin.

Love-bites typically last from four to twelve days and may be treated in the same way as other bruises.

The terms hickey (hicky, or hickie) or shagger is often applied to a love-bite on the neck area.

Love-bites can be a purple like color similar to other types of contusions, or a cluster of Red speckles.

According to Glasgow Lesbians a love bite is:

BLOODY MINGING!

How can you possibly think a big dirty love bite has anything to do with love!

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Glasgow Lesbians, Do You Seduce Straight Woman?

According to my Glasgow Lesbian Scene friends, yes lesbians do seduce straight women, in fact lesbians will seduce gay, straight, bi-sexual and first time lesbians!

So according to us Glasgow lesbians, anyone is fair game when it comes to the matter of lesbian sex and love!

Now you could say that if straight women are being seduced by lesbians, then surely they must be lesbians themselves right?

Apparently NOT!

Some women are curious to fuck a lesbian for one night!

If you are going to have a one night stand with a straight woman, or lesbian women, then I suggest you read my other post titled “surviving a lesbian one night stand” first!

I suppose if I think about, most of us were straight women who were seduced by a lesbian yes?

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Lesbians And Addictive Not Predictive Texting

Ok, hands up who is addicted to texting on their mobile phone.

Now I know for a fact this is one of the most famous lesbian traits, texting til the cows come home!

Texting is right up their with cheating, lies, gossoping and all the other stuff lesbians are known to do on a regular basis.

I have often been out and about, shopping or whatever, and I spot a girl who looks like a lesbian, now if I watch her for more than 5 minutes (My court order doesn’t allow me to watch girls for longer than that lol) I can guarantee that “miss might be a lesbian” will whip a mobile phone out the front pocket of her g-star jeans.

If you go to any lesbian bar in Glasgow, or the UK, or worldwide even, you will see groups of lesbians with their mobile phones out.

My friend Mags actually gets a bit annoyed at this and will promptly tell you, in a school teacher like tone, to put your phone away immediately!

It seems lesbians are obsessed or addicted to texting.

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The Lesbian Ex Race …

It’s over, let the lesbian mind games begin…

Ok ladies,

So we know the scenario oh so well, the beautiful relationship has ended!

Yes that’s right…

You are not going to be with them forever.

You are not going to move in with them.

You are not going to take them to your sister’s wedding.

You are not going to take them to your brother’s baby’s christening.

You are not going to pass go, you are not collecting £200!!!

But what you are going to do is start the lesbian ex race…

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Hello Lesbians!

Just a quickie this week because we all know that lesbians love a quickie!

This week I would like you to tell me, using the comments box below, if you are a LOST or FOUND lesbian…

YOU CAN ALSO WIN A PRIZE SO READ ON…

You see, I have recently been the victim of a drunken night out where I lost my “poof” bag, as my best buddy Margo calls it, (she can call it anything she wants cos she bought me it at the Trafford Centre in Manchester).

Now, luckily, I only had a cd inside the bag (Kelly Clarkson’s new one) that I had bought Lee-Anne, tbh (to be honest) I was freaking out a little bit about giving her the cd because it’s called “All I Ever Wanted” and I didn’t want her taking that the wrong way obviously!

But anyway, I lost my bag, so I guess I come under the LOST lesbian category.

You cannot call yourself a lost lesbian, if it has only happened once!

It has to be on at least 3 occasions that you have lost something personal, and no Steph losing your virginity does not count, we have all lost that drunk!

So here is a quick list of things I have lost when I have been out and seriously under the influence of alcohol (namely blue sourz shots, which I cannot handle at all):

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Hello Lesbians!

This week’s blog post is a little late, because my attention is elsewhere at the moment, but we wont go into that right now!

Although I share lots of my lesbian experiences with you, I do actually have to keep some stuff to myself.

Ok, so this week I am talking to you about buying a dildo / vibrator / sex toy, whatever you like to call it.

I was actually looking online last week for buying a dildo, which made me recall the first time I bought one which I will tell you about a little later on…

But last week I found the new Nexus G-Rider (Vibrating Female G-Spot Finder)

PHEW!

Trying saying that when your drunk!

It looks fab actually but it’s quite pricey, so if anyone buys one, let me know if it’s good, or buy me one and I will blog a review of the Nexus G-Rider (Vibrating Female G-Spot Finder).

So why was I online looking to buy a dildo, erm, cough cough, for Margo my dirty mate!

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“Surviving a Lesbian One Night Stand”

Hello Lovely Lesbians,

Ok, so what exactly is a one night stand…

By definition, a one-night stand has no past, no future and a limited present.

So you basically have sex with a person, female in this case, and never see them again or intend to have any sort of relationship with them.

Sounds great eh!

Lots of Lesbian Sex with no strings woohoo!

Erm well, nah it’s not really.

I have had a few one night stands and all of them, except one, were kinda shit to be honest.

A one night stand is often referred to as “empty sex” and it’s exactly that in my opinion.

There is no loving sweet feeling afterward, no connection, no warm glow, there is simply an emptiness inside you.

Don’t get me wrong, some people may love one night stands, but after a few, I couldn’t be bothered with them and I would never have a one night stand again.

I can say never, because I have been in a drunken state, in bed with a girl many times and never ever slept with them.

A year or so ago I would have “done the deed” but not now, I think maybe I have finally grown up, faint!

So because I have had a few one night stands, I have a little survival guide for those of you lesbians who still want some no strings, empty sex!

First I will tell you…

“How to choose your ideal lesbian one night stand”

Ok, you should never have a lesbian one night stand with:

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Glasgow Lesbians - Lesbians are on Bebo & Facebook

Ok, so as you start to build up your social media network online aka (also know as) Bebo, Facebook and MySpace amongst others, you will be haunted by your past.

Yep, school friends, ex’s and family members will track you down.

Is this good?

Well I suppose it is good if you are looking to find your lost love.

If you are not out, or didn’t come out then maybe it’s not a great idea.

My own bebo could be called a lesbian bebo account, why?

Well it’s riddled with lesbians!

I had not even heard of bebo until I met Margo, Jo and Nicky.

Then I had my very own bebo account, not a lesbian bebo account, just a bebo account.

However, it has now grown into some sort of lesbian bebo group, all my mates, well most, are lesbian on bebo.

Is it only lesbians who use Bebo?

Nope.

But it seems, the only ones on my bebo are lesbians.

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10 Reasons To Date Fat Lesbians

Ok here are my 10 reasons to date a fat lesbian, I do not mean any harm in this post, it’s just a bit of fun, I personally adore chubby girls!

1. Does my Bum look big in this?

She will never utter the words us lesbians dread…

“does my bum look big in this?”

Emma used to look at her bum from 80 million different angles in a mirror.

Sometimes it would take me a half an hour to convince her that her bum didn’t look big.

I would end up shouting “for fuck sake your bum looks perfectly all right!”

Seriously, you try holding a mirror in 80 million different positions for half an hour and see if you are pissed off at then end of it!

Now remember, your bum wont get any smaller no matter how many times you look at it, it wont get any smaller if you stand on your tip toes or if you hold in your breath!

If you want a smaller bum, try biking, hiking, running or walking!

And just so you know, Emma’s bum did look big!

In fact it was fat and massive, but I still loved it!

2. Fat Lesbians are GREEDY!

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